CTO Position Shockwave: Rikki van Berkel Executes Surprise Power Grab 😱
In a stunning turn of events that industry insiders are already calling “the most unpredictable Thursday ever,” Rikki van Berkel has reportedly staged a lightning-fast takeover of the company’s technical control room and declared themself the new Chief Technology Officer.
Witnesses describe the moment as “a coup conducted with the efficiency of a well-optimised script and the swagger of someone who actually reads all the documentation.”
What you need to know
According to early (and very confused) reports:
- Rikki allegedly entered the office carrying nothing but a laptop, a mug of cold coffee, and the kind of confidence only someone with admin access should have.
- By noon, systems had been reorganized, a new architecture diagram appeared on every monitor, and someone swears they heard Rikki whisper, “I am root now.”
- The previous CTO is said to be “fine, just slightly stunned,” and currently recovering from diagram-induced whiplash.
Whats new
The company has not yet issued an official statement, but several employees have already pledged allegiance in exchange for proper documentation and fewer meetings.
Analysts predict that under Rikki’s rule, productivity may rise—
but so will fear of unexpected refactors.
